It's November. The clocks have gone back, it's dark by 5pm and somehow Christmas is already everywhere. The end of the year suddenly feels much closer than it did a few weeks ago.
For some of us, this can bring a real sense of end-of-year anxiety. This time of year can bring up some really strong feelings: grief for the year we thought we would have but didn't, panic about trying to claw back the chance to get things done that we've been putting off all year, or the familiar dread of the approaching holiday season, particularly if you’re someone who doesn’t find this period easy, or feel full of the festive joy you’re constantly told you should feel.
For many, this time of year is creating an urgency to lock in. To prioritise ourselves, build better habits, get focused and make things happen before we run out of 2026.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself, making changes or using this time to be more intentional. But something worth considering is: what is driving the need to lock in?
Does it feel as though everyone else is getting their act together and you should be doing the same? Are you feeling motivated, or are you feeling guilty or ashamed about where you are right now?
Are you moving towards something, or away from something?
Wanting to feel healthier, more confident or more connected to ourselves can be genuinely motivating. Having structure and routine can also help ground us when life feels unsettling.
But sometimes the urge to change everything comes from a more uncomfortable place. Perhaps we're disappointed with where we are in life, things haven't worked out as we'd hoped, or we're struggling with the gap between our current circumstances and where we thought we'd be by now. We might find ourselves feeling behind in life, wondering how we've ended up where we are.
It can be tempting to respond by filling our time, setting new goals and giving ourselves something else to focus on. And while some of these changes can certainly be positive, it's worth asking whether we're also using that focus to avoid processing the grief, disappointment or pain of something else entirely.
When self-improvement becomes another pressure
We can become so focused on being productive, building better habits and sticking to our new routines, that we don't allow ourselves much room to rest.
And yet, this is a time of year when many people are running on empty. Annual leave may have been saved for Christmas, and some people haven't had a proper break since the summer, or even earlier. There can be a real sense of having to just keep going and push towards the finish line.
Resting and recharging isn't a failure of discipline. Sometimes it's exactly what we need.
When we set ourselves expectations and don't meet them, it's easy to question our willpower or feel ashamed that we haven't managed to stick to something. Perhaps a more useful question is whether those expectations were realistic in the first place.
You haven't run out of time
There's something about this point in the year that can make us feel as though we're running out of time. If I don't get myself together or tick these things off my list, have I wasted another year? Will I be able to switch it all on again in January?
But the changing of the calendar doesn't mean we've missed an opportunity. We don't have to squeeze everything out of November and December to feel we've made something of the year.
Actually, sometimes what we're craving is rest. An opportunity to top up our reserves, recharge and give ourselves the space to reset and go again in January.
We can be grateful for the parts of our lives that are going well while still acknowledging where we want things to be different. Disappointment, sadness and grief don't always need an immediate solution. Sometimes they just need a bit of space to be understood and digested.
There's real value in allowing ourselves to sit with some of those feelings while still making positive changes and being intentional about what we want.
So this isn't about not locking in. It's about finding a balance that works for you and allow some of those uncomfortable feelings room to breathe. Not becoming so focused on the next version of yourself that you lose sight of what's happening in your life right now, or miss an opportunity to be present.
If you're locking in for the rest of the year, that's genuinely a great thing. Just remember to make space for the things that might be sitting underneath it too.
