How relationship therapy helps you break the cycle of people pleasing - and truly be seen

Let’s be real: relationships can be hard work. They can feel exhausting when life is already burning you out. But when you’re constantly deprioritising your needs, you can end up bending, twisting, holding your breath, tip-toeing - until one day, there’s nothing left to give and you are resentful.

That’s where relationship therapy comes in (although ideally before it gets to this point). It’s not about having a referee in the room to confirm who’s right or wrong. It’s a guided space where both your voices - not just one - get heard. And yes, it really can help improve your relationship.

What relationship therapy actually is

Couples therapy isn’t going to save your relationship, that will come down to your willingness to do things differently and use therapy to understand what needs to happen in order to do so. A skilled therapist isn’t there to side with your partner or you - they’re on both of your teams. Think of them less as a judge and more like a sympathetic co-pilot, helping you both navigate toward connection and understanding.

Why you keep abandoning yourself—and why that isn’t sustainable

It’s not unusual to slip into self-neglect, or people pleasing, out of fear of losing the relationship, wanting peace, avoiding an argument or keeping stability. But continuously silencing your own needs will eventually erode your sense of self. Couples counselling helps you notice that pattern - and slowly, gently, dismantle it.

Are you really listening…or just waiting to respond?

Truly listening is rare. Too often, we wait to pick our response - or shelter ourselves behind defensiveness - while our partner’s words bounce off us. In therapy, you get to learn how to pause, to clarify, and to ask questions not from a place of defence...but curiosity.

From defensiveness to connection: how shifting your inner stance helps everything shift

If your instinct is to brace for blame - or your partner braces for criticism - you’re already on different wavelengths. Therapy teaches you both to step off the battleground. That doesn’t mean letting things slide - it means saying, “help me understand what that’s like for you,” instead of preparing for an attack.

Invest differently and things will be different

“Why bother going to therapy when we can argue at home for free?”- I hear you. But here’s the difference: relationship therapy isn’t about venting. It’s about learning to communicate, to be heard, to heal. You invest your time, intentionally, into building something you actually want to keep: a relationship where both of you feel seen.

Your needs matter too

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re used to silencing yourself, it might feel strange - or even selfish - to speak up. But self-neglect doesn’t help anyone. Therapy is one of the few places where your needs are given space, named and respected - and yes, you deserve that, as does your relationship.

And guess what, your other relationships will also benefit from the therapeutic work, as you will have learned alternative ways to show up in relationships, get your needs met, listen properly and make sure you’re heard. Surely that’s worth the investment, right?

To ask any questions, book a free introductory call here or contact me directly.